The Hyperactivity Zone
by Sceloglaux albifacies
Summary: Calvin and Hobbes parody of The Twilight Zone. My first fic, so go easy on the reviews. Third chapter, You Say That Like It's a Bad Thing  Calvin rules his town!
1. Opening

You are entering another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mischief and curiosity. You are entering a land of sugar-packed cereal and wild imaginations; you are entering

The Hyperactivity Zone


	2. Optimal CharacterBuilding Recognition

First story:

Optimal Character-Building Recognition

Parody of_ Time Enough at Last_

_Witness Calvin's father (no name), a patent attorney in a world of dreamers. A would-be biker and all-round "character builder" living in a world where all his passions are outdated. But soon, a twist of fate will allow him to experience everything he ever wanted._

Calvin's father was riding the bus home from work. He looked out the window sullenly and sighed.

"It's too bad that Henry Ford had to come up with his invention," he sighed. "And fewer and fewer people are going camping nowadays... the world as I know it is going down the drain."

The bus pulled up at his house and he walked in. "I'm home!" he said.

Calvin ran up. "Dad, me and Hobbes were on a magic carpet right outside your office and you didn't notice us!"

Dad went to his wife. "I thought we were cutting down on his sugar intake."

"Well, I've tried to hide the sweets, but he keeps finding them. By the way, I got you something for your bicycle. It's in the garage."

"Thanks!" He went into the garage to discover that the "gift" was actually a bicycle that his bike was locked up in.

"What is this?!" he shouted.

"It's to keep you from going on more bike rides. And anyway, I need you to pick up some groceries at the store."

"But I just got home from workཤྭ"

"You don't know how much easier your _work_ is than having to stay with Calvin all day. It's just some groceries."

As Dad went to the car, Calvin blew a raspberry at him.

Later, after some events at the grocery store involving peanut butter and another discussion with his family...

"Dear, could you help Calvin with his math homework?"

"_Me?!_ I did last night! It's your turn!"

"For your information, I spent all day cleaning up and looking for the hallway rug. Do it!"

"Okay, okay," said Dad walking toward the stairs. When his wife wasn't looking, he made a dash for the basement door and ran down the steps. Then to make extra sure he wouldn't be found, he went into a sub-basement and started reading a copy of _Oliver Twist_. The sub-basement had been a recent installation, which Dad had installed at personal request.

High above, two pilots were flying a plane.

"I wish we could go faster than this," said one of the pilots.

"Just drop some of the cargo," said the other pilot.

"Okay!" said the pilot, who pressed a button labeled BOMB DROP. It malfunctioned, causing the bomb to fall only halfway out of the plane.

"We're still not going faster," said the pilot.

"I'll go see what's wrong," said the other pilot, walking down to the area where the bomb was stuck. He jumped on top of the bomb and tried to force it down. It fell out with the pilot riding it to Earth.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

BOOM!

The entire town was destroyed, and everyone went with it. Except for Dad, of course, who only heard a loud noise and felt a huge jolt, causing him to fall out of the chair he was sitting in and get knocked unconscious.

A few hours later, Dad woke up and crawled out of the sub-basement. His house was blown apart and his basement was a huge hole in the ground.

"What the heck?" he cried, climbing out of the hole. He looked at the ruins of his town. Walking to the center, he saw the bomb that had all caused all this.

"Oh great... I've lost my family and my job... YIPPEE! They're gone!"

Dad ran back to the remains of his house, where the garage was conveniently still standing. Dad got out a saw and sawed through the bicycle lock around his bike and took it out for a spin. He rode next to several overturned vehicles and shouted "HEY YOU STUPID MORONS! GET OFF THE ROAD!"

Then, he made a two huge ramps out of the rubbish that was the town, getting them to face each other like a halfback, only one ramp was shorter. He rode his bike down the taller ramp and up the shorter one. He flew across the town on his bike and looked down at the mess below him.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Next, he spent his time hitting baseballs at windows on the remaining buildings. _CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!_

Next, he went and read all the books at the books at he library. Luckily, his glasses didn't break.

He then went into the remains of a bowling alley, where he picked up a ball, and _CRACK!_ he broke his back.

"AUGGGGHHHHHH..." he cried, falling under the weight of the ball. "I knew I shouldn't have picked up that ten-pound ball! Oh well, I can still ride my bike." Dad got on the bike and tried to ride it, but his back caused him to lean so far forward that the improper weight balance caused the bicycle to fall. He suddenly realized that henceforth, he would be unable to do any more character-building activities. "Oof! Well, at least I still have my healthཤྭAw, who am I kidding? IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"The world isn't fair," said a voice.

Dad turned around to see his wife, boss, and several coworkers standing behind. They looked completely normal except for the fact that they had skin the color of a preserved brain. They threw a net over him and took him away.

"You're doing the dishes tonight," said his wife ominously.

"And you're also going to help us map out plans for a new civilization," said his boss. "One where your kind is gone." Dad shuddered.

"Don't worry," a mutant coworker said. "The worst that could happen is that Richard Matheson could sue us."

_The best laid plans of mice and not-too-bright pilots, who bombed a town and allowed Calvin's father to accomplish his dreams... only end up in a Charlton Heston role. _


	3. You Say That Like It's a Bad Thing

Second story:

You Say That Like It's a _Bad_ Thing

Parody of _It's a Good Life_

_Welcome to the town of... well no name at all, really. But it's an interesting town, because it is ruled and completely controlled by a monster with godlike powers. The people in town live in fear of the monster, as anyone who thinks unhappy thoughts about it or its work is punished in various ways. Oh, and by the way, the monster is a six-year old boy named Calvin._

Susie was drawing on the sidewalk when Calvin came up to her.

"AHEM!" shouted Calvin. "Miss Dorkins, you appear to be committing vandalism. Do you know how much you just ruined that sidewalk?"

"Calvin, this isn't vandalism," said Susie. "The chalk washes right off!"

"Maybe so, you can never wash away the stain on your soul," said Calvin. Susie disappeared, and a crude sidewalk chalk drawing of her appeared on the sidewalk.

"Hey, Hobbes, c'mere! Look what I did to Susie!"

_Oh yeah, and Hobbes is the only person who can think freely._

Hobbes ran up. "Neat!" he said.

"Let's alter Susie a bit," said Calvin. "Give her facial hair!"

"Okay," said Hobbes, who drew a goatee, moustache, and sideburns on the drawing.

"And horns!"

Hobbes added horns.

"And a word balloon that says 'I'm telling!'"

Hobbes added that, too. Once he was finished, the drawing vanished, and Susie reappeared with the added features from the drawing, and all she could say was "I'M TELLING!"

Calvin and Hobbes laughed loudly. Mrs. Derkins looked outside and saw the changes that had been made to her daughter.

"Calvin, that was a _great_ thing you did to Susie! I've always wanted her to look like a freak!" said Mrs. Derkins. "That was really, really _good_!"

"I'll say," said Calvin. "C'mon Hobbes, let's leave the Tattler here!"

Calvin teleported himself and Hobbes in front of his house. Although he could've just as easily teleported into the house, he made the front door and areas of the wall around it explode. Calvin's father saw it.

"Calvin, I really like what you've done to the front of the house," said Dad. "The debris adds a nice touch."

Calvin walked into the kitchen, where his mother was. "What do you want for dinner, Calvin?" she asked.

"I'll have twenty-nine ice cream sundaes, and you and Dad can have cockroach steak served in bat snot," Calvin replied.

"Mm, that sounds yummy," she said.

Dad heard this in the living room. He thought, _How much longer till Calvin serves something capable of being digested?_

Suddenly, the chair he was sitting in started to eat him.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Dad shouted. The chair spat him out.

"That's more like it," said Calvin, coming into the room.

The next day, Calvin's eighteen-month long summer was over, and he went to school. He enjoyed school now because he was in charge.

Calvin walked outside, where his fire truck awaited him. He haphazardly drove it too school.

"OUTA MY WAY, EVERYBODY!"

"Look, Calvin's endangering our lives again! That's _great_!" said a citizen.

While Calvin drove to school, the parade honoring him marched for zillionth time.

Calvin went into his classroom, where he was now the teacher. "Okay class, your history of SpongeBob finals are coming up, so watch as much Nickelodeon as you can! Now, let's it time to learn about B-movie monsters."

Susie, who had now gone back to normal, asked, "Can't we learn about something else?"

"Silence!" roared Calvin, breathing fire. "Now, are there any more questions?"

No one raised their hands.

"Good, today's lesson is on Rodan," said Calvin, drawing a picture of Rodan on the chalkboard.

An hour later...

"...and that concludes today's lesson," said Calvin. "Lunch time!" He teleported to the lunch room.

Everyone ate rhea intestines with a side of frog hearts, except for Calvin, who ate hamburgers.

In one corner of the cafeteria, Moe sat thinking. His brain was too small for Calvin to read, so he got to thinking about taking out Calvin. He decided to sneak up behind him and hit him in the head with a pot.

Moe sneaked over to the kitchen and stole a pot. Then he sneaked over to the area where Calvin was sitting, and just when he was about kill Calvin, Calvin turned Moe into Moe Howard.

"Why I oughtaཤྭ," said Moe, but he was interrupted by Calvin, who immediately turned him into a Twinkie.

"'Bout time Moe had that happen to him," said Calvin contentedly as he calmly ate Moe.

_And that concludes this story... and you'd best start thinking happy thoughts if you ever come across Calvin. I would, anyway._


End file.
